I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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