she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
