Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
