I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The dick lei will go down in squad history
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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