Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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