i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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