The maid of honor just puked.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
