Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Randomize
