theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
