Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
