It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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