Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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