The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
