i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
