Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize