I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize