theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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