Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
