____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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