we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
