Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
