One girl and one boy is just not enough.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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