NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im holly from the hills drunk
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
