and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize