I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
