Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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