I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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