Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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