It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
