she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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