Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
