I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
