You really coming over, don't trick.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize