I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
