smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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