I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
