Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
