Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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