I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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