So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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