I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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