Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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