ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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