we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
