Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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