the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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