Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
