she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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