Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
