i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
