Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
