wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
