Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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