operation harelip BJ is a go
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
sick fucks of a feather flock together
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
