I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize