You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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