In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
