ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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