i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
