in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
