so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
