i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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