Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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