Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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