dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
