too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
