Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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