allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize