about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
