So drunk its hurt
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
