I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
