i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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