Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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