Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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