he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
