Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize