We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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