We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He did a backflip because drugs
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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