Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
