smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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