oh god the rape fog is back!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize