Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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