Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize