i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
