Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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