i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
