I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
