Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
