And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
