So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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